So while I'm pretty sure I don't have autism, there is definitely something "wrong" with me. I know that I was diagnosed with ADD in my early childhood, but beyond a failed attempt with some meds that supposedly gave me mood swings and made me cry an unusual amount, I really don't know anything about this diagnosis. This is probably the root cause of my horrible attention span and obsessive tendencies. This then shows in many things but most notably with deadlines on assignments for school/uni, where instead of preparing and getting work done a reasonable amount of time before the due date, I always tried to do everything at the last minute. So I would basically try to convince myself in the following way: "Oh, this stupid essay can't be that much work...I can probably get this done easily over 3 days.". Then when this time had come I would push it further, all the way up to the night before the due date/exam date and follow a similarly stupid logic of "The exam is tomorrow and it's already late. Since I can't learn the material now anyway, I probably should get some sleep.". This exact pattern is something I struggle with on a near day-to-day basis, with uni assignments or when I was writing my bachelor thesis.
This constant procrastination also gives room for another problem of mine, which is my weird obsessive tendencies. This can be seen when it comes to hobbies. I can oftentimes spend weeks obsessing over a hobby/a fun-sounding activity, in the process reading up on tons of info online. Worst of all, I hardly get around to going out and putting any of this theoretical knowledge into practice. One case where this has actually worked out well for me is with my little art hobby which I decided to pick up after finishing school. But even then I did put a solid few months of on-and-off research into things like finding the best colored pencil brand so that I later could not blame my missing success on cheap materials. I am very glad that I made this "final push" into giving drawing/painting a try. With other ideas this thus far did not go quite as well. Part of this is that getting into art as a hobby is comperativley cheap unlike things like blacksmithing/kinfe making, electronics/diy projects, woodworking/wood carving, anything requiring purchasing a bunch of pricey tools. Also it's not super time intensive as I could just sit down at my desk with a piece of paper try it out gradually with very little time spent.
So even knowing I might not get around to doing some of these ideas/hobbies irl, I still have amassed a considerable amount of knowledge up to the point where I could probably bore you to death talking about most of this stuff from a theoretical standpoint for a couple hours. I sometimes feel like it's most likely boredome which strikes me after an overly long time of researching a topic combined with a feeling of having "master a skill" whitout having done it irl once.
I firmly believe this is also part of what drew me into feedism as a fetish and this whole weight gain stuff. When it comes to this stuff I can
a) combine this love for plump women with other hobbies like drawing/painting and sculpting
and
b) obsess over things like lbs gained per month, calories consumed per day, bmi, health effects of severe obesity etc.
This has resulted in several digital ilustrations of fat women and excel spreadsheets with calorie counts and calculated weight gain amounts.
Contrary to what one might now assume I am not overly gifted when it comes to math, but rather find the number side of this fetish very satisfying. Same thing goes when it comes to keeping an organized room/workspace, which is something that I can't keep up with for the life of me. These things probably are an outside reflection of the mess and chaos I often times got going on my head.
All of this seems kind of similar with certain parts of autism, but I would not go as far as to self diagnose with any form of autism. The attention deficit part though is somthing I would love to understand more in the near feature to maybe try and get a grip on things.
Anyways....enough rambling. I'm geniuenly curious now:
Can anyone relate to this?
Am I a secretly autistic?