My cousin's chubby pothead wife wanted to host a friendsgiving this year, and had plans to do it at a resort a couple towns over. Big snowstorm rolls through the area and none of the people who got invited want to travel that far. One thing leads to another and suddenly I'm helping them host the event at my house because I'm the only one in the friend group financially responsible enough to be living in anything bigger than a single-wide. I'm a saint, I know.
Anyway. I spend the whole day in the kitchen making enough food for the 25 people that are supposed to show up. Turkey, ham, potatoes, the whole works. Beforehand (before I ended up being the one doing all the work, that is) I asked all the guests what flavor of pie they wanted, and I ended up with 8 different flavor requests, so keeping my word I made 8 different pies on top of everything else. Long story short, much food, very exhausting.
If you've ever attempted to host a friendsgiving, you can assume what happens next; "Oh sorry, something came up!" "With the weather I actually can't make it!" "My nonspecific uncle is in the hospital!" We now have enough food for 25, and only 14 people show up. Among them, several of the aforementioned cousin's pothead wife's pothead friends. One of whom was a rather tall and pleasantly fat beauty, with a wide yet well shaped ass squeezed into her tight yoga pants, and a round belly that gave the illusion of being pregnant though it was just pure fat. She wasn't single, I checked. Before the meal, they all excuse themselves to go light up outside. This bodes well.
After 9 hours of being on my feet in the kitchen (did I mention I was doing pretty much everything?) the meal finally begins. Now, dear reader, I would love to tell you these hungry gals polished off every single dish, their bellies swelling across their laps as they lick the pie tins clean, belching like fattened hogs. Alas, this is not that kind of story.
What does happen is they all eat a fairly impressive amount, with some fun conversation to go with it. Lots of teasing each other for being fat, comparing who was eating more that the others, jokes about how much they'd blow up if they lived with me because of my cooking. (Friendly reminder if you're a fat girl enjoyer and you can't cook well, you're doing it wrong.) Cousin's wife housed three fully stacked plates and chased them with half a cherry pie eaten straight out of the tin. A different friend of hers, short and chubby with a good mom bod, ate two big plates and one small, then finished both her kids' unfinished plates plus a couple slices of pie.
Plates were cleared, laughs were had, pants were unbuttoned. I then spent the next hour packing up leftovers and washing dishes, since nobody else could be fucked to do it. Every so often one of the girls would rip a deep, loud, gnarly belch. Completely unfeminine in the best way. No clue which one it was because it was always when I was in the kitchen at the sink. Hot though.
The aforementioned short mom bod friend popped into the kitchen to drop off dishes, puffed out her belly and joked about how it's my fault if her pants don't fit the next day. She gave her belly a good *slap slap* too. She wasn't single either, stop asking.
With leftovers distributed and most of the guests departed, we were then treated to the sweet sound of my cousin's wife verbally abusing him well into the evening. And the bitch never even paid me back for the turkey.
Merry Christmas y’all.