Man, that's rough. I don't understand how y'all have such bad luck with this. I'm pretty up front about it (hard not to be, as I'm fine with it and it's incredibly arousing) and nobody reacts poorly - at worst disinterest, but the usual response is intrigue, and relationship partners have always been happy to indulge me and have some fun. It's not a lifestyle thing for me, though. I'm very happy with occasional scenes, some amount of playing into it, teasing, fat talk, belly rubs etc. I think it may actually be the autism/tending to date fellow neurodiverse people. Hell yea.

>>82362 This is fucking rough brother i dont even know how youd bounce back from this to be honest. Shes obviously uncomfortable with it and im not sure if it will never not be in the back of her mind. Hopefully you guys are able to talk it out with eachother and shes at least able to come around to understand it. I havent had an experience exactly like bow you're describing, but when i was a freshman in college, i met this girl in passing literally on orientation day who was easily over 500 pounds. I saw her in a crowd (how the fuck could you not) amongst the rest of the fresh faced 18 year olds like myself. I felt like i was striking fucking gold. Even in the most obvious reality that this woman didnt share the fetish, it was blowing my mind that i just moved out of my parents and had the opportunity to have the fat girlfriend i been wishing for on birthday cakes since i was 10 lmfao. We met, got along great, i took her on a first date and it went pretty well. we talked and texted more, then on the second date, at the end of the night after wed been drinkin a bit, she turns and looks at me straight in the eyes and says "please be completely honest with me. Do you have a feeder or a fat kink? Or do you like me for me?" And me being the stupidest most moronic idiot young dumbass drunk 18 year old responded with "why cant two things be true?" And then her face got kinda sour and she welled up with tears and then got up and left and then blocked me. Felt like fucking shit A week later we saw eachother in passing and she was making an obvious effort to not make any eye contact with me so i just took the hint and let it be. Anyway, moral of my story is that i wish we could have been more, and i would have been happy to not engage in any sort of kink stuff if i was with her, but for a lot of women, they just cannot shake the thought from their minds. Rightfully so ig. This "community" has a horrible reputation

>>82365 It absolutely sucks but she would have figured out either way and then get pissed off that you lied to her. But of course she was 18 and probably inexperienced, might have gotten burned by some feeder lunatic beforehand. The "supersized" girls I've chatted with definitely have known what's up despite never directly touching the topic, they aren't stupid they know they won't be the first choice of an average weight relatively well adjusted guy who isn't into this. Maaaybe you could have saved it by rejecting feeder fetish but saying you prefer larger girls but wouldn't put my bets on that.

I've been there and I read your post clenching my teeth. You have my sympathies but I'm sorry to say that within my very long (and otherwise pretty great) relationship I haven't cracked that code yet. Here's the problem with being an FA: We like something our partners (usually) dislike about themselves, which is their fat. Barring major health or mobility issues, they dislike being fat mostly because the rest of the world — often including loved ones — tell them they're ugly, lazy, disgusting and so on. Often from early childhood. Body positivity only worked so well at its peak a few years ago, and it's collapsing now with GLP1s. So we do this dance where we praise everything else about them but avoid the main thing that turns us on sexually. Then it becomes the elephant in the room (so to speak) where we have to fall back on "softness" or whatever. Which any woman past the love-drunk first few months of a relationship ain't gonna buy. I mean, she will, if she's into you otherwise, but she's not gonna swoon when you tell her how much her huge, dimply, wobbly ass turns you on. A dude with yellow or jungle fever doesn't have to deal with this. Their partners may be victims of racism and hold internalized self-hatred over it but even a 40 year KKK member doesn't hold it against them as a personal failing. (And even in 2026 most of the world believes racism = bad... Can't say that for fatphobia.) Even a foot fetishist may be ashamed of himself for being weird and his partner may think he's weird too but most women have feet and so they're nothing to be ashamed of. She can play along or not but it won't be gouging a hole in her already rickety self esteem. I generally hate "oh woe is me, FA" comments and so I'll qualify all this by saying I'm glad I have this preference/fetish/whatever because it led me to the woman in my life, and other great people and experiences before her. And unlike being gay I've never had any serious pushback in any aspect of my life except some side eye from friends and family (and if you can't handle that, turn in your man card and go join a monastery til you've figured it out). Still it would be nice if I could be 100% with my partner as I try to be with most other aspects of my life, but I just don't see that happening.

>>82365 As somebody who is on the back end of things and is married to a really awesome fat partner like >>82383 , I have a hard time believing that one is “dumb” for sharing about your sexuality with your sexual partner. Like any sensitive topic, context and timing is important as well as framing things sensitively. I think the main thing is that women want to be ‘found.’ The idea of a “fetish” is a turn off because it’s so objectifying—it seems impersonal, interchangeable, and divorced from mature motivations. But if you can figure out a way of showing that your sexuality is something you’ve come to see as a benefit to “find” the right person, I think it can work. It true that being an FA means you get access to other amazing women that others write off. That’s a superpower. But that can also devolve into just being a degenerate or overly promiscuous because you can get away with it more. If you want to be partnered long term, you got to reel it back in to Normalland. I’ve had pretty good success over the years just being frank when the topic came up—I had my own shame about it when I was growing up, but became thankful in the long run because it let me date amazing people I wouldn’t have otherwise. I think that framework leaves the opportunity open for that non-sexual romantic connection that women usually actually want. The sex comes later. Everyone is different, but in general this has worked well for me.

>>82362 Man, that sucks OP. I really felt that sense of shame in your post. For what it's worth, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. I think you'd probably benefit from taking to your partner again about this, as uncomfortable as it might feel. There's a great chance for connection here. Going to therapy and talking about the shame you feel around your sexuality would probably benefit you too if you can afford it. On a different note though: while I get why a lot of fat girls might be uncomfortable with men into feedism and might have had bad experiences with FAs in the past, the idea of being put off by someone having a kink in this day and age is so unbelievably lame. That would make me side eye any potential partner.

The girls I've been with have generally been pretty happy when I tell them I'm a fat girl appreciator. I guess maybe I've just been lucky? Granted I've only dated a couple of fat girls so far, and they've both been the outgoing type.

Yeah asking for measurements is viewed as weird lmao, big alarm bell, shouldn't have thrown you off. But we all have to learn, I was so autistic about asking for measurements and weights with my first gf. Eventually you get to the point of bbw Understanding where you realize weight doesn't really matter and there's just tiers along the way from starter belly to hog and you can recognize what tier your girl is in and what a girl of her body type will look like in the next tier and hopefully just enjoy the ride. But I get the appeal of measurements. It is a point for dating titcows tbh. Anyway the best case scenario is just being matter of fact and most importantly separating it from your ego. Ultimately yeah most women are gonna find it a bit cringe and odd. It is what it is. There are things you don't like about them. You deal with them. They'll deal with it. >>82428 The female hivemind (non-derogatory, male hivemind has essentially the same views on this) conception of feedism vs. fat admiration is huge here so different guys are gonna have different experiences. At least I assume. Like I assume there are guys out there who need to be shoving donuts in someone's mouth occassionally to feel fully fulfilled sexually. Whereas some guys need at least a gain, other guys (towards FA side of spectrum) just need a fat body, just a body part for the guys over on /tits/ et al, some guys need "meta"-feedism (good fat chat with a skinny chick). All that to say measurements are inherently feedism coded and feedism is inherently autistic creep Cleveland show redneck 600 lb murder FREAK whereas fat admiration can at least be chicken soup cute Midwestern. (Or woke, as always this shit is so much easier if you're willing to go woke [I'm being descriptive not prescriptive here]). But the trick is to be able to do feedist stuff while only being a fat admirer in her mind and I think the key to that is aggressive preselection filtering for gluttons airheads goofballs etc. >>82364 Probably plays a very large part, yes. The only woman I've dated who 100% genuinely had interest in this stuff (as in had hard evidence of being so prior to influence from a partner) was adhd past the point of quirk and into minor developmental disability lol. Acquaintance of mine is a minor model, one of the actually into it tumblr girls, and she also has adhd and is spacey in a slightly "hmm way", as is the fattest woman I know (450 before 25), though she doesn't have much interest in the kink.