Merry fucking Christmas now and lousy new years later, now that this site's going to bust in a month I might as well send off whatever experience I had with, not only this place, but the long road of becoming the hollow human being I am now. I wish I never saw that water inflation/vore youtube video on the family computer when I was five, didn't do much then but it left an impression that when I was ten I was the repressed, internet-addled kid to watch Nintendo youtubers which led down into p-balloon searches and inevitably Deviantart. It's been like this up until I entered college and it's been a pickier and more niche preference of inflation content that changes on a whim the next week -- I'm never fucking satisfied the day afterwards. It's always "Size of a Blimp" to "Wide like a Mattress" or "Swallowed a Beach Ball" from day to day of that same week and on -- and on. Most days I scroll Twitter and run through the likes of whatever artists I just came to in a: search name, go through 100-200 posts, click on 7 of them, go through 100-200 of their likes. It goes on for an hour or three, I stopped keeping a clock in my room because I would take glances at it after a while. I don't even know if this is the reason I don't have anything to aspire to but sure, why not, I need something to blame. I don't have anything to show to a community because I've been so adjusted to the click cycle that I didn't spend time doing much anything -- no drawing talent, hardly 3D modeling experience, fuck all for writing, and abysmal body proportions. I heard about this experiment where scientists put a concentrated amount female fly pheromones in a box and letting male flies get close, they all starved after just sitting there and doing nothing but get sexually pleased in the presence of the pheromones. I don't even know if that's real study but it sure fits my situation, the only difference is that I'm never satisfied enough to die with a smile on my face. I am Sisyphus and my boulder is an orb woman, I fucking hate my life.