Really excellent job with this. Pro-level prose and Proustian attention to detail that's never tedious. Both the inner monologues and the interactions feel very real. The pathos at the end was the icing on the cake (npi). That sort of tension is crucial for all fiction and generally lacking in fetish fic. Honestly with some mild de-fetishizing this could be in a mainstream "weird" short story compilation.

>>13386 Do you have anything else to share? A DA page?

>>13371 Prepositions at the end of a sentence are fine. Your English teachers failed you. A dangling preposition is dangling because it's redundant, such as "where are you going TO?" "You're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for" is short for "than you give yourself credit for being" and is perfectly fine. Look it up if you don't believe me. If your characters are meant to have a merely average grasp of grammar then carry on, but this bugged me.

>>13371 Apologies if it seems like I'm being overly critical, but I'm once again taken out of my immersion by an oversight. A person that fat would use a BiPAP, not a CPAP.

>>13371 Pretty good story. I definitely wouldn't call it PROUSTIAN — the other commenter must be glazing you — I was actually wanting for a lot more description and found the descriptions to be rather sparse. That guy must have never read Proust. I invoke his name in AI story prompts all the time and the result is >10x as descriptive as this. How much of her hands are covered by arm fat, how much of her feet are covered by calf fat, what color/texture is her hair and skin, what are her boobs like besides "flabby," et cetera, but the dialogue and character writing was believable and nuanced and endearing. You increase immersion with Maria's respiratory utterances, which I greatly appreciate, but never once do her bowel movements contribute to the work's audioscape. I'd have a really hard time jerking off to this due to this lack of sensory detail. It more just makes me feel warm and fuzzy rather than sexually intrigued. I agree with the other guy that those parts were the greatest strength of the story and you did a great job on them. I'd expected the trauma to tie into her obesity more and I'd be curious what emotional factors contributed to it. Are you ghedorahhhhhh and if so what happened?

>>13390 I meant the character moments are the greatest strength

>>13386 Thank you for the praise! >>13388 Good catch, I will worsen his grammar. >>13389 Another good catch. I will do more research and update the story with BiPAPs. >>13390 This might be a sign of my amateur status, but I deliberately do not describe *everything* that I could. I know this is a fetish story and that the whole point is to describe a fat lady, but there are certain things that I kind of *do* want to leave up to the reader. Also, I left the bowel sounds out because I don't like reading them that much in other works and didn't want to overwhelm non-slob people who might otherwise be interested. Thank you for the critique. Also, I am not ghedorahhhhh. >>13387 I have a Twitter. It's @sneedledee23 (https://x.com/sneedledee23)

>>13391 Missed this - thank you very much! I wanted those to come through. Also, >>13390, I don't use AI at all, which is probably why I'm not very Proustian. I actually didn't know who that was until you guys brought him up.

>>13390 >PROUSTIAN Yeah you caught me. I was so excited to find a new writer with talent that I poured it on a bit thick. What with the amount of hate and negativity on this site (and online in general) I'm happy to err on the other side once in a while. FTR I was referring to the painstaking description of getting her out of the van and such. Indeed the descriptions of her were more sketched out, but a lot of the time I prefer to let my imagination fill in the blanks. There are only so many adjectives, adverbs, and similes I can absorb before I tune out.