>>108082 pages 4, 5, and 6 so far

>>108083 Hi, one of the guys who gave advice. I'd say the structure looks good, even if you have no experience. An idea I have is that you should show the fruit women in the last panel of the first page as darkened figures (see image), so that their reveal in the fourth page works better (?). I'm not a comic designer so I might be spewing nonsense, but it's an idea. There are some typos, like "oggle" in the fifth page and "orslow" in the sixth. You might want to fix those. Also, keep consistency with the speech bubbles and text. The bubbles and text in the first two pages are different compared to the rest. I like the ones from the third page onward, but design them the way you want. Can't wait to see the rest of the comic, it's coming along very well.

>>108098 I put into practice the speech bubble consistency; speaking of texts, are these too many sound effects and movement lines? I don't have a draw pad so I can't do that fancy artist stuff of drawing the trembling lines like in >>107819 Thank you again for letting me dominate the thread a bit

>>108517 Hi again. I don't know what program you're using to make the lines and bubbles, but the trembling lines and the rest should be feasible with any brush tool in any art program. Your movement lines do look alright. You should add some subtle lines near her neck to indicate swallowing, perhaps some on the hose as well. Your speech bubbles are looking great. As for the amount of sound effects, I'd say that you have enough? The only part I think you have too many in, is the fifth panel (the bottom right one) of the first image, although I believe it's because the text for the SFX is too large. Try adjusting the size of some of the text depending of how loud or quiet they are so they fit without looking cluttered. If you feel it still looks too cluttered, you can remove some. I do like how you're using different fonts depending of the sound

>>108517 >>108717 It's me, again. I didn't want to fill that thread with my text, so decided to write here. The page dimensions and the panel sizes look okay. Like the other guy said, don't worry too much about them. People on mobile should see the pages just fine? I'm not exactly sure what the concern is. If you feel that the panels look too wordy or cluttered due to the text, you can try these: - Replace some of the sound effects with movement lines - Reduce the size of some of the sound effects - Make some of the sound effects less opaque - Position the text in better places - Delete a small amount of the sound effects if you think they're unnecessary My rule of thumb for writing and placing sound effects comes down to how much importance or emphasis the sound has. If the sound isn't important or it's quiet, the text should be small and/or very translucent. If the sound is very important or really loud, the text should be big and/or opaque. I left some examples of the tips I mentioned. The comic's looking great! Btw, what does the cream taste like?

>>108518 >>108740 I would like to use brushes more often, but I can't figure out how to make them not...grainy? Still trying to fix the aliasing. The first file is what I made friday. The second file is a work in progress with your advice (but still not done). I think the slurp-gulp is already too noisy, but the SFX needs to communicate she's guzzling it. I am trying 50% opacity with smaller font and wow, it looks much better. Thanks. If I could also ask for writing advice, I have a problem: -The pig slowly transitions from worry about weight gain, reluctant enjoyance, to pigging out (doesn't need to be witty or smart, just piggy indulgence) -The ice cream/bomb girl goes from exuberance, to ultimately panic that she can't stop. I am struggling on writing that believably. Files 1-4 are what I have so far. I'm worried that I already made her panic too much in the last file, last panel. It feels bad to write "I'm blowing up!" but I'm running out of alternate phrases, plus it's the same emotion repeatedly. I wanted to mix in other emotions as the panic is slowly turned up, but I JUST did arousal, and pleasure at gorging, I'm thinking a little anger next? "This damn gut is fucking heavy, just how much heavier is it going to get?" I will attach images in a second reply showing what I mean. Thanks again.

>>108740 >>108769 I don't want to try too hard to be Tolkien and a little corniness is ok in fetish art, but it still needs to communicate the emotional rollercoaster they're going through This was a shot I had planned for her complaining about the weight (juxtapose to the pig who is aroused at the feeling of heaviness, heft). Writing advice for things such as, anger-first/worry-second or worry-first/anger-second, doing it twice for the 2 panels, should they both sequentially the same, like A/B A/B, or A/B B/A For example, -Worry first, Anger second: "I-it's not stopping...gettin' kinda BIG...Stop tummy! STOP GROWING! " or -Anger first, Anger second: "I can't hold still with this damn JIGGLING BOULDER GUT. Oooh why won't it stop growing?" I think when she's fully naked it will finally click she's screwed, zero anger, all panic. Again, let me know your thoughts

>>108740 >>108769 >>108771 ah, sorry, in the first post, I removed a file so the post doesn't make sense. It's just the work in progress, followed by additional questions >What does the cream taste like? I was thinking of salted caramel and heavy whipping cream, with real vanilla, and MSG for the lulz

>>108769 Hi once again, I'm happy that my advice is helping. In terms of writing I don't have much experience (I apologize), but I'll try. In the last two panels of the last file (the one with the ice cream girl), you could do something like this (see image attached). I don't know how to put this at all, but I think these extra bubbles should keep the exuberance and add a subtle amount of concern. >>108771 Before I continue, I have some questions: Why doesn't the ice cream take the hose out of her mouth if she wants to stop? Is it because she'll lose the contest and the prize, therefore has to suck it up and push forward? Or is it because the cream is so good that her body doesn't want to stop? I'll assume it's the latter because of what one of the fruit girls said ("it's hard to stop, once you start"), although this also leaves me with another uncertainty regarding whether they're allowed to fully stop the flow by using the valve or not (because it'd technically count as forfeiting). Talking about valves, where are the pressure valves located? Anyways, I think she should go back and forth with concern and anger. The following is a short example I wrote (assuming the valve is next to ice cream girl's hand, and that her body doesn't want to stop). I doubt that this example fits with what you have already planned for the story, but it should help. Again, I'm not good with writing myself, so I apologize if it doesn't do a lot for you. "Oookay - Whew, I've gotten massive. I think this size is good enough. Pig girl over there looks like she's about to give up" [Puts a hand on the valve] "Haha... Hah... Why is it not stopping?" "I'm getting so massive, too massive... I need to stop now" [attempts to move the valve] "I - I said stop! Stupid thing, just stop the flow already!" "Why is it not stopping...? WAIT-" [turns towards the valve, realizing her hand doesn't want to close the flow] "Why am I not stopping!?" "I'm getting so fat... my mom's going to KILL me!"

>>108788 >In the last two panels of the last file (the one with the ice cream girl), you could do something like this (see image attached). I don't know how to put this at all, but I think these extra bubbles should keep the exuberance and add a subtle amount of concern. Hi, I think I put into practice what you said somewhat about the fading bubble panels in the file included >although this also leaves me with another uncertainty regarding whether they're allowed to fully stop the flow by using the valve or not (because it'd technically count as forfeiting). Talking about valves, where are the pressure valves located? aha well, I wasn't initially sure of how the plot would work when I started making it. I just liked the idea of tube feeding and panic. Technically they're allowed to slow down. The in-world justification is that it's show business, and the cuffs aren't REALLY holding them there, they can't spit out the hose at any time, and the "valve" is inside that only lets flow in when they want it by sucking on it, but their bodies rebel and keep drinking it (like in the page I just posted). Yeah it's stupid and overwrought, I tried straddling the bondage/tube feeding with full consent and the result was neither are too great. I do have a plan for it not stopping though, Their mouths bulge because their mouth still loves the cream, but they don't swallow. I had a gag about huge chipmunk cheeks and cartoony throat bulge when they inevitably lose the battle. Thanks, as always, for talking with me so much about this.

>>108790 Hi there. Those four panels look really good! You're improving a lot. I do wonder if you're planning to plump up the pig's boobs as well. > the "valve" is inside >only lets flow in when they want it by sucking on it Oh. Well, that solves things. I think that it'd be a good idea to show the ice cream girl slowly realizing that she can no longer control her body action (something similar to my dialogue example in my previous post), in contrast to the pig, who quickly notices as shown in the page you just sent. > I had a gag about huge chipmunk cheeks and cartoony throat bulge when they inevitably lose the battle. I dig this! That's a great idea. I enjoy seeing your progress, and I'm glad my advice is helping you.

>>108792 Yes, had gags about that as well ("I wonder why my breasts aren't getting bigge-oh ohh ~<3") as they start to squirm and inflate If you notice the black lines on the first image, they're too rectangular and not square, that's because I the breasts will shoot out like torpedo tits. See image 2. As the pig gets fatter, I prefer roundy melon breasts, but to differentiate the pig from the ice cream girl, she gets wider, flatter breasts. Image 3 is the initial shape, image 4 is what I'll go with I think. Image 5 shows the ice cream girl's final breast shape as we enter blob territory, but that's several dozen pages away I think

>>108816 Hi. The ideas you have are really good, and the images as well. I hope you can finish this. Are their cuffs going to break off? I'm asking because I think that, eventually, they're going to get so large that the cuffs will begin to clip through them. Maybe you could show them making remarks about how the cuffs are getting tighter and tighter, until they eventually snap open. Amazing work, as always.

>>108833 I can animate their cuffs being tight then snapping off, I was just being lazy and saving it for later. Anyways, I guess here's the next page, add dialogue of her going GOD DAYUM before being reminded that she's next for wardrobe malfunction

>>108902 Hello. That's a really good page. You should add a continuous "Riiiiippp...." in the first panel, right before her pants give way to her ass. In the third panel (the bottom one), give pig girl's ass some movement lines, alongside wobbles and jiggles. Talking about pig girl, you should zoom out a bit more in the third panel so that her face is visible, it'd be great to see her reaction. Furthermore, you should move her arms and hands into a "shocked" or "surprised" position, I'm sure that feeling your pants suddenly burst open would yield a noticeable reaction.

>>108904 Thanks for your suggestions, needs more sound effects but I am listening

>>108962 Amazing work. You nailed the pose and expression. It took me some time to notice that the ass shot in the second panel is from the TV hooked to the camera behind pig girl's ass. I think a slight static effect on the TVs would be great, although that means you'd have to re-take the shots for previous panels that include them. Also, you could add commentary from the fruit girls in it (and the third panel) Something such as "Looks like things just got more interesting!", or "This is the kind of content we live for, folks".

>>108962 Something else, you forgot to add the remains of her pants in the third panel.

>>108969 >>108968 Thank you for pointing out it needed to be obvious that the TV screen was being shown, I believe I fixed it. Pants are also in the second shot. And another file before the belt pop mini-arc.

>>109034 >>108788 Also I wanted to speak to this image with the bubbles >W-WHOA >I'm getting real big... >Aah~, Haha... The page is already uploaded and before I try to swap out edits, I was wondering if that text would be good here on the panel I just uploaded. My reasoning is 1) She comments on the pig blowing up 2) She is also blowing up at the same time I want to keep the spirit of the lines, but I made this backshot to show width, and also star some of the other body parts that swell up such as backfat. I wanted a line about how her backfat is pinching over her belt. I will 100% go with "im getting real big, aah, haha" but I need a line that says she needs to worry about herself (right following after the comment on the pig). I was thinking: [previous page] >But Dayum, that's one big booty, she's blowing UP [left side blank space] >So am I, I'm getting real big... >aah >haha [right side blank space] >ow, hah >My backfat is pinching (belt hint) [next panel, shot of muffin top over belt buckle, stomach obviously larger than last page] >This belt is suffocating me (belt acknowledgement) >I need to get this thing off [third panel, close up of hands fiddling with belt] >come on come on fuck, all this flab in the way [next page, belly even larger, belly hanging over bottom panels] >I-I CAN'T GET IT OFF >it just keeps growing I hope this doesn't come off as "write and plan this comic for me" but I really want to sell the anxiety and "oh shit oh fuck" feeling, need to pre-screen

>>109034 Yep, you fixed the problem. Nice work. >>109035 I'm assuming ice cream girl took at look at her own body and then made the remark, right? If so, then the part that she viewed should be the one getting focused. Now the question is, what part of her body did she look at for her to say the comment? Was it the belly, or was it the back (and ass)? Since the back is the one being shown, I'll assume it was her ass. Plus, the previous comment leading to this one was caused by her looking at pig girl's ass, further emphasizing that answer (ICG looked at PG's ass and then her own). Maybe you could change the shot so that you can see ice cream girl looking at her butt? Though a potential issue is that it may obscure the back rolls you want to show. >but I need a line that says she needs to worry about herself (right following after the comment on the pig). I decided to rewrite the last ones to subtly build up the anger mixed with panic. Let me know how you feel about them. [next panel, shot of muffin top over belt buckle, stomach obviously larger than last page] "Maybe my gut needs a bit of space.. haha.." "Let me take this off..." (acknowledging the belt) "...right now" [third panel, close up of hands fiddling with belt] "Getting.. REALLY uncomfortably tight in here!" "fuck, all this flab is in the way" "I need to hurry..." [next page, belly even larger, belly hanging over bottom panels] "come on, stupid thing!" "GET OFF, GET OFF" "oh dear oh god it KEEPS GETTING BIGGER" By the way, do you by any chance have Discord or any socials? I don't know how much longer this thread will last until it eventually disappears. Though if you wish to remain as an anon, that's fine.

>>109038 I need to make a discord for nsfw purposes, atm I have my irl one. You can DM me on twitter in the mean time: https://x.com/HeavyWomanGuy My first video was of an android getting fat animation as I could not model faces that well, the fruit bots you see are reused models: https://x.com/HeavyWomanGuy/status/1771746864527773822 Da: https://www.deviantart.com/heavywomanguy Fa: https://www.furaffinity.net/user/heavywomanguy/

>>109038 Is this what you mean?

>>109054 I originally meant that you could extend the original backshot so you could see her face as she looks at her back without adding anything else, but works better, a lot better. For the commentary above the first shot, it could be something along the lines of "And looks like our dear Mabel isn't the only one with a blooming [some fetish-y way to say 'ass']", but again, you can write something else.

>>109062 Oops. In the first paragraph, it's meant to be "[...], but that works better, a lot better". The example you showed is great, basically. Also, I checked your profile, and turns out I've seen your work before! You're really talented.

>>109062 >>109069 Thanks, as always. I have yet to add trembling lines and sound effects, but I think this is the final panel more or less. I't start the other panels, but wanted to run this by you guys

>>109105 Yea, looks awesome.

>>109123 Hi again. I really like these two panels, all of the progress you've been making has been great. Since the belt snapping is meant to be the climax of all the panic built up over this small sequence, ice cream girl has to look very shocked. You should make her pupils and irises in the second page significantly smaller, and add a noticeable amount of blush on her face (see first image). You could also reduce the pupils and irises to simple, tiny, black dots. I was also thinking of the eyes bulging out in shock (see second image), but it looks goofy.

>>109125 Meant to say "pages" in the first paragraph instead of "panels". Whoops.

>>109125 I actually agree with you 100%, and I can create many ranges of "AAAAHHH", but I purposely toned down the facial expressions (even though I agree that I like the 'of fuck' faces) because people hate it

>>109128 Unbeknownst to the contestants, the cream was also laced with shrooms.

>>109129 stealing that

>>109130 At least they won't go home complaining about their weight, until they stop seeing colors and start seeing mounds of flab. Anyways, if you need more feedback, I'll be glad to help.

>>109131 made some modifications

>>109147 Very good, I like the belly button jutting out.

Not sure about the order of these. I think the head crash should occur first, but it is a fetish comic and it might distract? I think I am including it, just not sure when, panel 3, 2, panel 1 makes most sense, idk

>>109219 meant to say, I can reverse the pose of the ice cream girl being off balance so the hand overlaps on the left panel 1

>>108790 >>108816 >>108902 >>108962 I feel like you should have the lips pucker/seal around the hose since with the way you have your lips right now I feel like most of the ice cream would dribble out the sides of their mouth Maybe consider having a band/strap that goes around the back of their head and locks the hose in place as well Also I would exaggerate their cheeks and make them really puff out to show that they’re rapidly gulping down gallons of ice cream Also I would consider redesigning your pig girl to emphasize her pig nose since it looks too small for her face and would make her look older, maybe also add some eyeliner and eyeshadow and model her head shape more closely after an actual pig rather than the stock human head shape you’re using right now Also I’d suggest using more spherical shapes and playing up the tension to better communicate the rate in which the ice cream is flowing into them Also consider pushing your eyebrows more by curving them up near the center of the face and having them furrow more Also push your eyelids up more for your shocked/scared expressions >>109034

>>109219 Hi. >Not sure about the order of these. After some thought, I've determined that either way is good, and depends of who you want to focus on. I wrote some examples below of how I imagine the sequences. Ice cream girl fist [First panel] Ice cream girl: Oh shit- WATCH OUT! [Second panel] Pear girl: Do you think they're getting too large for their own good? Orange girl: Hmmm... Nah. Just look at ourselves, we're fine. What's the worst that could happen? [Third panel] >Orange girl fucking dies Pear girl: WHAT THE FUCK!? Ice cream girl (in a tiny square): I'M SORRY! (or "OH GOD I JUST KILLED SOMEONE") Fruit girls first [First panel] >There's a "Meanwhile..." written on one of the corners Pear girl: We can see that our dear Vale is fighting for her life, or is it her belt's buckle that is fighting? Orange girl: Hey, don't make fun of hard workers (jokingly) Pear girl: This is probably the hardest she's ever worked for in her entire life, you know? [Second panel] Ice cream girl (only the bubble): oh shit- WATCH OUT! Orange girl: Hm? Did you hear her say something? Pear girl: It sounded like "Hog out" Orange girl: Hog out? Is she talking about us? because the only ones hogging out in this place are these two- [Third panel] >Orange girl fucking dies Pear girl: OH SHIT! Ice cream girl (in a tiny square): I'M SORRY! >but it is a fetish comic and it might distract? The head exploding is funny as shit. No one said that you shouldn't have comedy in a fetish comic. I think pear girl's eyes should be smaller for a more shocked look. Also, the belt buckle looks like it's not traveling as fast as implied in the panel. You should blur and bend it in such a way that makes it look like it's traveling extremely fast. >>109220 Could you give me an example of how it'd look? Also, this is unrelated, but pear girl's face looks like this and it made me laugh my ass off (see image attached).

>>109226 Hi, I'm happy I made you laugh. I want a little humor in it. The robot has a spare head re-attached (this isn't just to wash the taste of potential murder out of the reader's mouths, they are robots so it makes logically follows) >you should have blur and blend unfortunately I am not skilled enough to do that. I spent 4 hours here >>109147 and it still didn't turn out nearly like I wanted. I need another time to figure out how blender actually calculates motion blur I would like to add a lot more dialogue such as your suggestions and more inbetween panels, but it's a question of time. I have relatives coming to stay for a week, school certification, another artist is asking me to do a collab, etc. The file attached is a bit confusing, but shows what directions I could take it in whilst still adding the robots freaking out. She is experiencing "I might almost fall" in this, commenting that she can't stop jiggling, but am not sure on how many panels to dedicate to that, if any. I will explain the extra images on the sides, ask for your feedback. The rightmost panel floating off to the left is an alternative panel where her foot slams down. I had a joke about a stage light falling on the head on the pear girl, but I was saving her for a lightning bolt from the pig's 'thunder thighs'. However, I could make the foot-down panel extra wide to full capture the butt, and turn the "almost fall" into simple jiggling and moving. The foot-up panel would be if I was really dedicated to slamming the foot down. ~This is all assuming I dedicate most of the page to no reaction from the pig~ I need to make the pig react at some point to set her up to gain more to catch up to the ice cream girl. A wordless reaction would work well, with commentary from the ice cream girl slurring her words "G-gan't thtop JIGGLTHING" or something in that vein. Again I would like more commentary and extra panels, but I need to expedite this. >>109222 I am aware of the issues with their mouths and the long and short of it is I am not good enough at blender to get their mouths to properly do that, and have used drips coming out to excuse it. As for the pig looking too human with a small nose, she looked really ugly see >>106520 and then >>106639

>>109248 oh uhhh her shirt didn't snap yet, I just forgot to make it viewable >>109226

>>109249 >>109248 Sorry, addendum 2, posting from work I think I can use a blur tool in photoshop. I'll try that. My posts were also confusing upon re-reading. The main focus is "holy shit I'm fat" and the pig reacts in such a way that's "wow she I fat. I'm getting fat. I will now drink more and get fatter" for the next couple of pages. The head explosion, the wobbling, and how long the wobbling is, are competing with space for the pig needing to somehow be motivated. The pig has had 2 mental breaks already: >eat, pot belly, shame, denial, corruption >eat, pants rip, shame, [insert next emotion], further corruption (why am I so hungry all of the sudden? I should be full) I need a next emotion that blends reacting to ice cream gal's gut popping the belt. I was thinking of making her unaware that she starts drinking again, reflecting on guzzling and bulging out of clothes --- So I think I was too wordy in this post about what should be a quick question >>109248 I have time constraint, and need to focus on the consequences making the pig aware of foreshadowing for herself

>>109248 Hi I'll give a proper reply to your post later, but I wanted to write something short at the moment. I have an idea for making the blurry buckle. It's weird, but theoretically, it should work. 1.- Crop out the buckle from the shot and turn the cropped result into a transparent PNG 2.- Go to any art software and apply blur to the buckle, then save the resulting image 3.- Render the shot again, but without the buckle 4.- Open the software you're using to structure the comic 5.- Add the buckle, and position it to where it was >I have relatives coming to stay for a week, school certification, another artist is asking me to do a collab, etc. Take your time with this project. Focus on your academic and family responsibilities first, and then you can go back to this with no issue.

>>109280 Perfect.

I'm going to take a break from the comic, to do school and the collab. I know furries are your guys cup of tea, but still I thought you would appreciate the finished page, and a standalone belly shot. Thanks for all the help, and I'll be back. I will be monitoring this thread occasionally